A growing heart; my greatest gift!!!

At 5:33 and 5:36 January 13, 2016 two tiny loves entered our family and changed our world forever!

 For weeks leading up to the birth I tried to imagine what life would be like with 2 more children; 2 more small, sweet, helpless people who would need a mama that could nourish and love them around the clock.  How could I find a way to freeze time and the needs of the rest of my family in order to give these babies all that they would need to survive?  And more importantly, how could I stretch my heart in order to give the love needed to sustain my family emotionally?

 

  Evenings can be magical times for communication at our house.  Sometimes communicating with boys is tricky.  They don't always gush out their emotions so you have to be ready to listen when they are ready to talk. 

  My little ones have a ritual of Dad or Mom "talking" to them at night. They have to be all ready for bed and lying down in the darkness to earn the privilege. They call it "questions"  Derek always knows just the right things to ask.  Sometimes they ask us  the questions about life or about our childhood etc.

 

These evening conversations are a chance to get a little more brain cells out of Mom or Dad in a calmer environment that doesn't compete with email, cell phone conversations or other siblings needing help. 

 

 With the older boys we bond in the evenings by watching an episode of one of their favorite shows.  This has also been a really sweet time with no younger siblings competing for our attention.  Although the older kids have mostly grown out of the evening conversations there are times when one or both of them will say: "Do you want to talk?" Many times these invitations come after a long day when I'm particularly excited about heading to bed myself.  The temptation is strong to make a plan to talk another time, but I know that for as rare as these opportunities come, I need to embrace each one and be the listener they need at that moment.

 On Sunday evening I got pretty emotional realizing that by the next Sunday all would be different in our home.  I went to each of the rooms of the 3 older boys and had a talk with them, telling them how much I loved them and that even with two new brothers coming my heart would still be with them. For weeks I prayed sincerely that I could truly be enough.

When I got to hold the babies for the first time I knew that my prayers had been answered.  It was perhaps not unlike the moment when the apostles gathered the few loaves and fishes they could find and after distributing enough for all in need they found their baskets overflowing in excess, a true miracle.  At that moment my heart was bursting with the most intense love; love for these sweet little beings, love for my husband for the amazing journey we traveled together to get to that moment, and  love spilling over and over for each of our special loves at home. I knew I don't have to try to be enough all by myself.  With God, ALL things are possible.  We are ALL enough because of HIM!

Gender reveal!

We are having 2 BOYS!!!!  It has taken me a little time to write this post. I needed time to take it all in!  The first day we found out we were having twins I told Derek: " I don't think I could ever raise twin boys!"  I said this over and over to myself and others for several weeks,  Being a mom of many boys, I know that 2 (or 3 or 4..) boys together means energy, noise, teasing, fighting, tears (sometimes theirs, sometime my own) and sometimes even blood.  I know that my stewardship over my children includes teaching them to love and most days it's hard to recognize progress in this area with all of that going on.

Then there is the issue of Adelaide having a sister.  I have 5 amazing sisters who are so much a part of my life that I can't imagine a world without them.  Like my sweet Mother, they inspire me to be better, advise me when I am in a difficult situation, comfort me when I struggling and serve me when I am in need.  How could Adelaide go through life without even one sister?

All of these thoughts filled my mind as the ultrasound tech announced that we would be having 2 boys.  I must have looked pretty flustered because she asked me multiple times if I was OK.  Derek on the other hand couldn't keep from laughing out loud which made the whole situation even more comical.

Shock was only the first of the emotions that hit me, next I went through denial, and then a strange sadness.  My sadness  was for the loss of the sister that I had somehow been sure was coming for Adelaide.   After feeling this sadness, I  then felt guilt for feeling sad (why would any human being ever feel sad when she is able to bring 2 beautiful children into the world?)  These thoughts recycled themselves over and over in my mind. After about a week I gathered the courage to tell my extended family who had kindly reported that they were praying that we could add another girl to our family.

Before I had announced the gender of the babies to neighbors, I got a call from a sweet friend who told me (without knowing our news) how glad she was that there were strong families raising boys who could one day marry daughters like hers.  I know she was inspired to call since I think the adversary  had been filling my heart and mind with just the opposite idea: that I was already doing so poorly with the boys I was raising now that adding to that number would only make everything worse.

In time I was able to recognize that my feelings off loss for the sister we wouldn't give Adelaide did not equal sadness at having 2 baby boys.  It was a totally separate emotion.  Working though those emotions I was able feel, peace, then total joy at the privilege of welcoming these little spirits into our home.  I have also come to realize that although I cherish the sister relationship I enjoy with my own siblings, God has sent me "sisters" who, while not my blood relations are every bit as dear and precious to me as my own family.  I have no doubt that Adelaide will be equally blessed in her life as she finds dear friends to fill in those gaps.  Besides, she will ever be the lone princess in the Jensen home, and who wouldn't love that?

Although it would be a while before I would feel this  complete peace I could feel God whispering peace to me the very evening of the ultrasound.  As I drifted off to sleep I could hear the words of a favorite primary song come to my heart: "We are as the army of Helaman...".  6 boys, could potentially mean 6 missionaries.  That would be pretty awesome!  I may not be the mother that I dream of being, Many moments of our day are filled with all  those boy things I mentioned above and more but a home full of boys also can mean a home of strength (physical and emotional), a home of service, a home of missionaries, a home of protection and a home filled with the priesthood.  Who wouldn't feel so blessed to have all those things?  Besides, if my boys end up anywhere close to being like Derek, they are going to be amazing.

Yes we are having 2 more boys!  I can now say with a smile (and a twinkle in my eye!),  Isn't is womderful!?

 Baby "A" 3-D facial image


















Baby "B" 3-D facial image

Guess the gender of our twins!!!!

I recently did a photo shoot with my kids and got these photos, some were a little happier than others to have their photo take:).  Looking at these beautiful photos warms my heart and makes me realize how quickly they grow!  It also makes me wonder what things will be like in a few months when we add 2 more to the mix.  What will the twins be? make a guess!  Will they be boys? Girls? or one of each? comment below!


Wesley age 13



David Age 11



Keller age 9

 Adam age 6

Adelaide age 4

a new journey

We are adding 4 feet to our family!

                                   Jensen twins: due Feb. 2016!


This photo was taken when Adelaide was just days old.  At the time it seemed crazy to see that many little feet belonging to our family.   Having Adelaide join all those big brothers made our family feel a level of joy we didn't know was possible.  I wondered how I could ever want for more.  As time passed I didn't feel a void necessarily but I could never feel peace about being all the way done with the "having children" phase.

All the moms I talked to had their own stories of feeling closure; some said they knew their family was complete the moment their last baby was born.  Others said that over time they felt peace gradually sometimes over a period of years.  I figured since I hadn't had any revelation about it that my closure would have to come gradually.  I prayed for peace, I had faith that if I gave away all my baby toys, car seats, crib, changing table and blankets and bought a car with exactly 7 seats in it that I would be showing God that I had the courage to look forward to our next chapter: "Child Rearing".

I even told Heavenly Father that His helping us get over to Russia with a family of kids could be a sign that we are ready for that chapter by going on cazy adventures with the children we already have.  Things were going great, or so I thought,  Soon after getting home from our traveling I was awoken by a little voice whispering  "Mom".  When I opened my eyes there was no one there.  I was tired...was I just hearing things?  Then it happened again and this time it was so real to me that I actually answered: "what?"...when I opened my eyes again there was no one there.

I began a very long very painful battle with myself. I wanted to have another child, if it were God's will, certainly I would be obedient if I felt prompted to do so, but each time I asked in prayer I felt that His answer was that the choice was mine.  "Well, if the choice is mine" I reasoned, "Considering the challenge it is to raise the 5 very dynamic children that we have and considering every one of my many weaknesses, I choose out of pure logic to be done."   Yet that answer would never really bring me peace.

Weeks and months passed.  I asked for a priesthood blessing, attended the temple weekly, fasted and prayed earnestly begging for an answer.  Each time the answer was the same; this choice was mine to make.  I have made many decision based on faith and obedience.  I feel like obedience was not the issue, God clearly wanted me to be strong enough to decide on my own and to own my decision. Why couldn't He just tell me the right choice?

Finally one day my answer came.  Oddly, it happened on my temple day but not at the temple. Although it was my day to be at the temple, I hadn't gone since I was expecting family to come in town.  I was standing in my kitchen washing dishes as my two younger kids played with play dough. We were listening to Janice Kapp Perry's greatest hits CD, when my very favorite of her songs came on.
             "Where is heaven?  Is it very far?  I would like to know if it's beyond the
               brightest  star...I can see it, that it's not so far, when you're with the ones
               you love it's right where you are."

And it was, for one moment as if heaven really were in my kitchen.  I was overcome with peace, joy and a desire to bring another child into our home.  Not because I felt like I should, or because I wanted to obey.  I wanted it with all my heart.  I had made the decision for myself!  It felt so good!
I immediately sent a text to Derek telling him that I really wanted a baby.  He has ever been wary of having a child too far apart from the other kids.  He replied: "Well, if we are going to go for it, let's just have 2!"

I suppose that sending us twins is just the remedy for Derek's concerns.  Now I see God's wisdom in helping me choose this choice on my own (with His help of course but without feeling compelled or commanded). I feel it had to be that way in order to have the strength to accept that our family will be jumping overnight from 7 to 9!  Jensen town is about to get just a little crazier than it already is!  I say: Bring it on!

"Look unto me in every thought, doubt not, fear not."  D&C 6:36