farewell to Summer

double ordination

What sweetness to have two brothers ordained in one day! David revived the priesthood on the same day that wes was ordained as a teacher. I love this photo!! It shows a devoted bishop that we all love, my two precious sons, my most incredible husband and my rock-star of a father in law who never misses a special day for our children!!!

Reflection and Recjoicing

Today is Pioneer day (the day that Brigham young declared to the Latter-Day Saints that they had found the place to settle after years of persecution and oppression.)  It has also been exactly one year since I found out that we were expecting twins.  I'm amazed at all that has happened and how dramatically our lives have changed since that day one year ago.  

I spent so much of my energy worrying about how tricky it was going to be having 2 babies, but I didn't realize that the babies were not going to be the tricky part...The trick is figuring out how to parent a teenager, a couple of tweens and two younger kids while spending sleepless nights rocking babies and changing messy diapers.  I absolutely LOVE my babies!!!  

And I absolutely LOVE my big kids, but their needs are so very different and when you feel like your brain is full of baby food and then you are hit hard with a very real, very heartbreaking older-child trial that requires prayer and pondering and clear thinking it gets challenging and you wish you could just snap your fingers and pause the messy diaper need and put your whole heart into another issue that requires your love and attention.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming and I wonder if there would be fewer fights, more respect, more peace and order in a home with out so many real issues.  

                                                       

This week I was humbled and changed by 2 amazing mothers.  The first is an amazing girl who signed up to bring me a meal after my twins were born having never before met me.  She brought enough food for a small army; homemade muffins, homemade bread and minestrone soup (yes homemade!) "Who is this girl?"  I wondered, that would spend an entire day making this amazingness for complete strangers.  I soon learned she was expecting and vowed to bring her a meal when her baby was born however inferior my meal would be to hers.  I waited for her baby to be born.  Then, today in Church I learned that just days before her baby was to be born, his heart stopped beating.  Yet, today, only a few weeks after this devastating loss she stood in church speaking on the topic of hope in God through covenant keeping. 

The other mother that changed me this week gave birth to a sweet baby just weeks ago.  The doctors told her that due to a rare condition he had he wouldn't survive their stay at the hospital.  Defying their predictions, this little one has left the hospital and is making a brave go at life.  Although this family knows their time with their baby will be short, they live each day with courage and faith enjoying the moments they do have together.  

I am so very moved by these women of faith.  I am filled with emotion thinking of what they are going through and yet in my interactions with both of them this week hoping to offer some kind of comfort, I was the one that was lifted. 

 I know that things at my house are crazy and that there are moments when I just long for a little peace, but I wouldn't wish it away for anything.  I want wake each day with joy that we have the opportunity to live this day with our children.  Life is beautiful! Life is fragile!  Life is hard! We all have our own fire to pass through to refine us into the individuals that God intended us to become.

For the longest time, I felt like adding more children to our lives would be too difficult and I feared I wouldn't have the strength for it.  I have come to learn that the inspiration to bring these little guys into the world was not meant to be a trial as I had feared, but a gift.  They are a prize, a treasure that is getting me through difficult times I have with the other children.  Whenever things get crazy I only have to glance at their chubby faces to know that ALL IS WELL.  And truly it is!

Doubly Blessed

I never thought that two TINY people...could bring such an ENORMOUS amount of joy!

 

I've never slept less.... and never smiled more.

 

I've never been this hungry (trying to nurse 2 little guys)...and never eaten this well (thank you to all those who lovingly prepared delicious meals for our family!!!!)

 

I've never had such a messy house...    

...Until my sweet neighbors and friends came to clean it for me (and not just once!!)

Derek has never looked so handsome...as he does when he's snuggling a baby.

I've never felt so close to my mom...as I did while watching her folding my laundry (all 49 loads!), loving my babies (and big kids), seeing her cry when we talked about all the miracles we've witnessed with these little ones and knowing that she went through this 10 times!!

 







I've never seen my "little kids" act so big...

















 ... as they did when there was no one home but them to help Mom with really hard jobs!

I've never seen my tough "big kids" soften up....

...like they do when a baby falls asleep on them.

I've never felt so certain I can't do it on my own...until The Lord showed me I don't have to.

A growing heart; my greatest gift!!!

At 5:33 and 5:36 January 13, 2016 two tiny loves entered our family and changed our world forever!

 For weeks leading up to the birth I tried to imagine what life would be like with 2 more children; 2 more small, sweet, helpless people who would need a mama that could nourish and love them around the clock.  How could I find a way to freeze time and the needs of the rest of my family in order to give these babies all that they would need to survive?  And more importantly, how could I stretch my heart in order to give the love needed to sustain my family emotionally?

 

  Evenings can be magical times for communication at our house.  Sometimes communicating with boys is tricky.  They don't always gush out their emotions so you have to be ready to listen when they are ready to talk. 

  My little ones have a ritual of Dad or Mom "talking" to them at night. They have to be all ready for bed and lying down in the darkness to earn the privilege. They call it "questions"  Derek always knows just the right things to ask.  Sometimes they ask us  the questions about life or about our childhood etc.

 

These evening conversations are a chance to get a little more brain cells out of Mom or Dad in a calmer environment that doesn't compete with email, cell phone conversations or other siblings needing help. 

 

 With the older boys we bond in the evenings by watching an episode of one of their favorite shows.  This has also been a really sweet time with no younger siblings competing for our attention.  Although the older kids have mostly grown out of the evening conversations there are times when one or both of them will say: "Do you want to talk?" Many times these invitations come after a long day when I'm particularly excited about heading to bed myself.  The temptation is strong to make a plan to talk another time, but I know that for as rare as these opportunities come, I need to embrace each one and be the listener they need at that moment.

 On Sunday evening I got pretty emotional realizing that by the next Sunday all would be different in our home.  I went to each of the rooms of the 3 older boys and had a talk with them, telling them how much I loved them and that even with two new brothers coming my heart would still be with them. For weeks I prayed sincerely that I could truly be enough.

When I got to hold the babies for the first time I knew that my prayers had been answered.  It was perhaps not unlike the moment when the apostles gathered the few loaves and fishes they could find and after distributing enough for all in need they found their baskets overflowing in excess, a true miracle.  At that moment my heart was bursting with the most intense love; love for these sweet little beings, love for my husband for the amazing journey we traveled together to get to that moment, and  love spilling over and over for each of our special loves at home. I knew I don't have to try to be enough all by myself.  With God, ALL things are possible.  We are ALL enough because of HIM!