We are having 2 BOYS!!!! It has taken me a little time to write this post. I needed time to take it all in! The first day we found out we were having twins I told Derek: " I don't think I could ever raise twin boys!" I said this over and over to myself and others for several weeks, Being a mom of many boys, I know that 2 (or 3 or 4..) boys together means energy, noise, teasing, fighting, tears (sometimes theirs, sometime my own) and sometimes even blood. I know that my stewardship over my children includes teaching them to love and most days it's hard to recognize progress in this area with all of that going on.
Then there is the issue of Adelaide having a sister. I have 5 amazing sisters who are so much a part of my life that I can't imagine a world without them. Like my sweet Mother, they inspire me to be better, advise me when I am in a difficult situation, comfort me when I struggling and serve me when I am in need. How could Adelaide go through life without even one sister?
All of these thoughts filled my mind as the ultrasound tech announced that we would be having 2 boys. I must have looked pretty flustered because she asked me multiple times if I was OK. Derek on the other hand couldn't keep from laughing out loud which made the whole situation even more comical.
Shock was only the first of the emotions that hit me, next I went through denial, and then a strange sadness. My sadness was for the loss of the sister that I had somehow been sure was coming for Adelaide. After feeling this sadness, I then felt guilt for feeling sad (why would any human being ever feel sad when she is able to bring 2 beautiful children into the world?) These thoughts recycled themselves over and over in my mind. After about a week I gathered the courage to tell my extended family who had kindly reported that they were praying that we could add another girl to our family.
Before I had announced the gender of the babies to neighbors, I got a call from a sweet friend who told me (without knowing our news) how glad she was that there were strong families raising boys who could one day marry daughters like hers. I know she was inspired to call since I think the adversary had been filling my heart and mind with just the opposite idea: that I was already doing so poorly with the boys I was raising now that adding to that number would only make everything worse.
In time I was able to recognize that my feelings off loss for the sister we wouldn't give Adelaide did not equal sadness at having 2 baby boys. It was a totally separate emotion. Working though those emotions I was able feel, peace, then total joy at the privilege of welcoming these little spirits into our home. I have also come to realize that although I cherish the sister relationship I enjoy with my own siblings, God has sent me "sisters" who, while not my blood relations are every bit as dear and precious to me as my own family. I have no doubt that Adelaide will be equally blessed in her life as she finds dear friends to fill in those gaps. Besides, she will ever be the lone princess in the Jensen home, and who wouldn't love that?
Although it would be a while before I would feel this complete peace I could feel God whispering peace to me the very evening of the ultrasound. As I drifted off to sleep I could hear the words of a favorite primary song come to my heart: "We are as the army of Helaman...". 6 boys, could potentially mean 6 missionaries. That would be pretty awesome! I may not be the mother that I dream of being, Many moments of our day are filled with all those boy things I mentioned above and more but a home full of boys also can mean a home of strength (physical and emotional), a home of service, a home of missionaries, a home of protection and a home filled with the priesthood. Who wouldn't feel so blessed to have all those things? Besides, if my boys end up anywhere close to being like Derek, they are going to be amazing.
Yes we are having 2 more boys! I can now say with a smile (and a twinkle in my eye!), Isn't is womderful!?
Baby "A" 3-D facial imageBaby "B" 3-D facial image
